I don’t believe in fortune-telling, even until now. But I can do it just for fun. Just like when I went to Jakarta 2 years ago, when I went to a Japanese dessert shop with my friends. There was a small Japanese fortune-telling corner. The fortune was also written in Japanese and translated into English. I took one, and I got “The highest, excellent fortune”, which is the luckiest fortune you could ever get in a fortune-telling. My friends were all shouting at me, saying that after all of these depressing series of event, I’d get a ‘good life’.

I never thought it for real, but I do hope that I get a ‘good fortune’, since I feel like I got no ‘luck’ in life, not in my job, nor in love-life either. Even I was not that healthy too. Not to mention the loneliness I got since I was a child.

It’s been 2 years since that fortune-telling incident, and if I looked back these past two years, I feel I do get a ‘great fortune’.

Did I get a good job? No, my job isn’t something to be proud of.

Did I get a good love-life? No, still alone and I don’t even know if I can be married one day.

Then why?

I do get a highest, greatest fortune in life, because through all of the struggles I got, I found an everlasting love that will never walk away. A love that has been given to me even if I was a sinner, and still a sinner. An unconditional love. It’s God Himself. Out of so many people in this world, I’m chosen to know Him. What kind of luck can beat this ‘luck’?

The job that at first I though it’s not something to be proud of, God blesses me so much from this job. Not that much, but it’s just fine to cover all of my needs. And I start to like it too.

Love? It will be my pleasure if I find one someday, but that’s not the most important thing in this life. Submitting my life for Him, through marriage or singleness, that’s the most important thing. He is the Eternal Groom who always takes care of His bride.
Worry? Sometimes, or even a lot, maybe. But the God who has been guiding me until now, the same God who will always guide me till the end of my life.

Thanks God for choosing me out of so many people... I do have the greatest ‘fortune’, and it’s You.

Reading the Whole Bible

 

 

 

 

Today is the 16th of July, exactly 366 days after I commited to read the old testament, and it’s the day I finished reading the whole Bible for the 1st time 🥺

Proud? Not at all... It’s not something to be proud of when so many people finished it in a month, or maybe several months, and I took 1.5 years to finish it, much much longer... But for me personally, it’s a touching moment... It’s like a checkpoint for me, how the old me who rejected to read it 😂, even rejected to pray for it 🤣, now I finished it all... I never wanted to read it, but He guided me and strengthened me to commit about it...

Still remember the first time coming to the care group. I’d never wanted that too, I’m the individual person type who doesn’t like socializing with people, moreover, it’s about talking the religion, wth...
I don’t even like coming to the cafe or any other fun place with many people on it... Me coming to a church for a talk about religion!? You wish! I turned down my friend’s invitation for several months...

The mentor gave me a book through my friend, then I was invited by them, again... I was curious to see who was this person who gave this book?? 😂 I didn’t even read the books at school, and someone gave me a book 🤣

In short, I started coming to the care group, even I was quite offended with the mentor’s words at first, because all she did was just talking about the Word of God 😂

The group was so far from perfect. It consisted of some depressed persons, some atheists, some ignorants, some idealists, and so on (I don’t talk about other people only, I talk about myself too)
In facts, the group didn’t last for a long time. It disbanded around half a year after I joined them. Still remember the time I talked to my mentor face to face after disbanding, she said she was struggling with this group, too...

But can’t you see? A group which is so messed up, but God uses them to guide me. The Holy Spirit does the work on me. Even though I was offended at first, I know it was right. I started to know about God more through my mentor, in this group. God works in a way human can never realize, so that people know that it’s His work, not ours.

 

Now that I think about it, God is even using something that I hate, a book, to invite me to the group, which led me to know Him more. If the mentor never gave me a book, probably I will never be curious about her, and I will be still staying at home enjoying my own self, still rejecting coming to the church.

As I read the Bible, I struggle a lot... The more I read, the more I don’t know... The more I learn, the more I’m confused...

There are even times when I doubt myself... Do I truly believe in Him? Can I stay faithful till the end of my life? Will I ever turn my heart from Him one day?

But from those struggles, at least I get to know that I’m more finite, more limited, and smaller than I expected, and He is infinite and bigger than I ever realize...

The devil is real. He knows he can’t make me stop reading the Bible, so he gave me doubt when I got questions. But in my downs, I came to God and prayed, and then He provided me some guidance right away, through people around me, through the books, through the sermon, through everything. I don’t know how many times He convinced me it’s ok to have some questions....

A coincidence? I’m afraid not. The devil is real, but my God is even more real... Can’t thank You enough, God...

Still a long way to go, but I really wish to know Him more, the-finite-me with my limited knowledge, walking step by step together with Him so that I can completely trust in Him. 

See what's good not what's bad

Yesterday I got into an accident when I took the taxi-bike.

The accident was not that bad. Only the one who crashed into us get a scratch in one of his foot.

So this is the full story:
The taxi-bike was going to turn left, but he actually should turn right. So I said, “It should be turn right”. He was quite startled and made a sudden turn. I watched my back if there were any motorbike or car, and there was. A motorbike. I told the driver “Be careful”, and he braked his motorbike. The other driver also braked his motorbike and lost his balance, so he fell down. He crashed our motorbike, but it was not hard at all. Really really slow.

We thought nothing would happen, because it was nothing bad at all. But the other driver was not standing up right away, his motorbike fell on his foot (in which he got the wound from). Well, it was not a bad wound. Only a little bit. But it was like he was exaggerating. We went to the side of the street, he was angry and he called his friends. The taxi-bike driver asked for forgiveness, even asked him to get some drink, but he didn’t really care about that. I didn’t know what he wanted.

The taxi-bike driver knew this would be a quite bit trouble. He told me to go home, search for another taxi-bike. I was startled and didn’t know what to do. I just stood up without doing anything. He even gave back my money. I refused it but he forced me to accept it, which I couldn’t reject. It was in the daylight, the sun was shining brightly, and maybe because I was shocked and I was not in a good health too, I was so dizzy, feel like I was going to pass out. I decided to go to a clinic, only a few step from the accident location, and sit in front of the clinic. I drank water a little bit, and then step outside again to see if it is solved. However, they were not there anymore. I saw some men across the street, which was probably the taxi-bike driver and the motorbike driver with his friends which was called from the phone.

I really really didn’t know what to do. I was afraid, too. In the end, I just went home straight away. Until now, I don’t know if what I did was right, or what I actually should do. My mind goes blank, until one plate was broken when I did the dishes. It was crazy. I cried day and night, thinking of what would happened with the taxi-bike driver.

In the end, what I want to say is, it’s true, we were wrong with the sudden turn. But people do make mistakes, something small won’t be anything big if we can forgive. The taxi-bike driver was so responsible with what he did, and even sent me home. I’m so touched and in the same time I feel guilty too. I really don’t know what to do even until now.

In my desperation of not knowing what to do, then I remember, I can pray. I was so busy with thinking what I can do, until I forget to pray. When a problem seems to not have any solutions, maybe that’s because God wants me to remember that I should pray and find Him first in every of my problems.

Now I pray everyday, every time I remember this accident. Sometimes I cry. I really hope that God really protects him, blesses him more than the losses because he deserves it.

When people said using a taxi-bike service is dangerous because there are so many bad news about this, I found out that many taxi-bike drivers are actually kind too. It depends on where we see it: the good ones or the bad ones.

Work hard will pay off?

Do you often hear successful people say “Work hard will never betray” or “Work hard will pay off”?

Well, I refer successful people here as someone who is materially success, someone who has a lot of money, someone who is rich.

I was watching a video from a famous Youtuber before I went to sleep. Rather than sleepy, I feel more enthusiast to write down what’s on my mind after watching the video.

In the video, she said something like this “People know me for getting many subscribers in a short amount of time. However, they don’t know how hard I work for it, behind the scene. My efforts, my thoughts, my tears, everything” Well, from what I watched, I can assume that she wanted to tell us something like this “I don’t have a comfortable life. All I have now is the reward for my hard work, and it’s tiring too, but you just don’t see it”.

Let me write down what I think.

The fact that she is living a comfortable life can’t be denied. She has a lot of money and she is famous. Reward for your hard work? There are many people who works as hard as you, but doesn’t get reward as much as you get. I can say this because I’ve been there. I worked for a company, from early in the morning until the next morning without getting overtime payment. Moreover, I got sick, and I need to pay the doctor and the hospital expenses by myself. Don’t know how many tears have been shed during that time. Depression was my best friend, and suicide thoughts easily came to my mind.

If you think I was a loser, well, I don’t know about that, but I will tell you some facts. I was quite popular in the company, that so many managers fought to get me as their staff. On average, staff would get 3-4 clients a year, and I got 7 clients in a year; nearly doubled the average. Even my coworker could say something like this “You work harder than me, you always go home later than me, but I get more than you”.

So, what I want to say from this story?

What I want to tell you is that, those successful people (well, not all, but mostly) don’t realize that not all hard work will pay off. Some of the people work harder than them, but never get the same reward. I work hard from the morning until the morning, I work smart with a magnificent result until so many people want to work with me, but I never get the same reward.

If they work hard, and they get all those rewards, they should be thankful and grateful, because it’s a grace, a gift from God. It’s not because of human’s work, your hard work means nothing, it could even lead you to gain no reward at all. And to respond those grace, they should use their reward wisely as it is not theirs, but it’s belong to God.

I remembered watching an interview of a director from a famous company, he was being asked “What’s the secret to your success?”, then he answered “I don’t know. It’s all grace. How I came up with this brilliant idea and that brilliant idea, and failed. One day I got this strange idea, and it worked! God’s way is too hard to be understood by human”

Not many people would understand this, but I’m so grateful that through my personal experience, I can relate to the words of this director. This is something that people will never understand, except if they experience it.

“Then if it’s all grace, I shouldn’t be working. I may get everything even if I’m not working and I probably get nothing even if I’m working hard” I bet this kind of argument will be said a lot by people who believe that rewards come to those who work hard. Well, I will say no. The point here is, you have to do all your responsibilities, and if you got those rewards, it’s a bonus. It’s God’s right to give you a big rewards or not, it’s not for you to decide.

So, if I or you got those jobs, got those money, got those place to stay, got those car, just everything you have, no matter how small it is, it’s all grace. Remember that someone who works as hard as you might not get those reward as much as you.

Introduction

Hello, just a simple blog to share a little bit story of some moments in my life, hopefully it can inspire those who are struggling...

 
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